The OTHER side of adoption Part 2...

     Going out in public with these unique kids from either foster care or international adoption, can be a challenge.  I am NOT trying to scare anyone, but I am not going to hide the tough parts either.  Some kids adjust to adoption quickly; some only for a time, shocking you several years later when it all begins to fall apart and you wonder what happened. Yet others will struggle from day one and wear you completely out daily.

     What is going wrong?  Why is it that when you get out in public they begin some sort of meltdown that could launch missiles.  Not just toddlers, by the way. Nothing consoles them, you can bribe them, drag them or beg them to stop.  They scream and flail and a crowd begins to form.  Onlookers will just shake their heads and comment on your parenting skills and others will grab the phone to call CPS or 911.  Then there are those who will begin videoing to post on Youtube demonstrating bad parenting.  "What were you thinking taking on other people's problems"?  At this point, this might just be going through your head.  You will be judged, you may be subject to calls to CPS or the police and yet there you are trying to reach a child that has gone through something horrible that just doesn't settle well in his/her brain.

This child needs more.  Way more.  This child deserves more.  Way more.  

Think back to the picture you all saw in Sunday School growing up of Jesus with the little children gathered around him.

"But Jesus called the children to him and said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.'"  Luke 18:16

 I imagine that it didn't happen exactly that way.  For one they were all immaculately dressed as was Jesus.....people in reality, it was dusty and dirty and most of them were poor.  I assure you there were no white robes, not that I have proof, this is just me talking.  I am also sure the children weren't perfectly behaved and smiling until they were at the feet of Jesus. He wouldn't have cared.  He wouldn't have sent them away. He was known for being with imperfect people which is why he incensed so many.  He was around the demon possessed, the adulterers, the "un-clean".  I assure you he was around the children whose lives were less than stellar and he loved them all the same.

     Foster or adoptive homes are more likely to have CPS called on them just based on their children and their struggles.  This is more on the extreme end, BUT it is a reality.  Go ahead and add a different race and a special need or two, like autism and you have set the stage for a potential show for the public.  The great news is that this seldom happens, but for those living it that doesn't help. Those families hide, and withdraw and struggle.

     Stand firm in that crowd of "tsk tskers" and hold that precious child until the rage subsides in the middle of Walmart or the mall. Keep them safe and keep your cool.  Keep them calm and just hold them.  It may take a while for them to calm and they may fight you for a time, but they will calm eventually.  There are any of number of things that could have set them off, like the crowd, the noise, or just simply transition.  Transitions are tough. I am not here to instruct you, but to let you know that for these children, THIS sort of thing is normal.  It's not you.  It's not about you.  It is simply where they are.  When people say to me, "isn't is amazing how resilient children are" I want to scream.  They DO take their next breath, but they are hurting.  More than likely hurting, deep in the brain in ways that may or may not come out for a long time.  Do not take it personally.  Love them, be willing to learn more, be willing to get help for them AND for you.  Believe it or not you will need help.  You may need more than you realize because this child may bring things our in you that you had buried long ago.

     We have several years post adoption with 2 children.  One arrived at our home at one month old.  We know that the pregnancy was not ideal and the one month was not either.  While we do know some of the details, others will remain unknown.  She was adopted 1 year and 2 months later and is now 5 years old.

     We adopted another child who is 7 months younger than the above mentioned one.  She was 3 months when she arrived and was also adopted 1 year and 2 months later.  Prior to birth was extremely rough and the 3 months she was with her biological mother were not much better.  She is now 4 1/2.  Both have different stories, but show tremendous scars from the past that show up in total opposite ways.  It is hard.  It is wonderful.  It is hard to describe from one day to another.  Some days we handle it well, others we are just weary from the battle. Every day we know that we are blessed!

     An example from our current situation is school.  The oldest of the two is now in Kindergarten.  She has attended a Mother's Day Out program where she was 1 of about 10.  The school was small and so were the classes.  She is now in BIG school with more than 10 Kindergarten classrooms averaging about 24 kids in a class with 1 teacher.  The classroom is loud, the cafeteria is loud, the gym is loud, the transitions are fast.  There is no nap time.  Holy Moly....how can there be a world without nap time???  The shame of it all.   Little Miss Kindergartner is falling apart, little wonder.  She is wild when she comes home, can't settle down to go to sleep even though she is exhausted  and doesn't fall asleep until around 9 even though she is put to be at 7:30 or earlier.  She gets up after me at about 6:30 and the battle begins.  You never know exactly what will set her off, her uniform, her hair bow, she wants sandals and not tennis shoes (they have to wear tennis shoes), she doesn't want to buy her lunch, she wants her old school, she wants her "bubba" who has moved off to college.  I have to peel her out of the suburban. The back seat sweet reader, under the seat.  With my rear in the air. It is NOT pretty. None of it.  (No pictures will be posted of this event). A sweet, sweet teacher just waits and then gently takes her hand and walks her crying self into the school. Bless this woman.

     Let me also tell you, dear friend, you are NOT alone.  There is a mom crying in her closet right now because she doesn't know what to do and can't share this with her friends (no, this isn't me this time) because she doesn't want to hear, "I told you so".

 This is the stuff of God!  

This is the stuff of deep fervent prayer.  

This is the all-abiding love of Christ.  

This is the heart of Jesus.  

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27.

  Read it again.....S.l.o.w.l.y.  "Pure and faultless".  Wow!  "Keep oneself from being polluted by the world".  I think God is REALLY saying something here.  We can't take this lightly.  Dig in.  Get dirty. Get hurt. Fall down. Now get on your knees or your face before your Savior and let him know where you are.  Give it all to him.  Then get up and face the heart of Jesus.

No Longer Majoring in Minors (written 2 years ago)

Multitasking!  What a word.  How many can go through a week without saying it....with pride?  How many are doing it constantly?  How many know that you couldn't get your many tasks done without multitasking?  These are questions that the book 7 has made me ponder.  That is what is great, or NOT SO great about a "thinker" book (my word).  No two people get the exact same thing out of it.  This is something I have been simmering on for a year, but the book brought it back up front and center for me to chew on a bit longer.  I am not sure how to answer any of the questions I asked and yet I feel God calling me to the task to do just that.

As a mom, wife, friend,  and the list goes on for all of us, how do I NOT multitask?  I don't think doing multiple things is wrong, but multitasking to the edge of insanity is.  We are not working smarter here, but harder.  There are studies that show our generation of multitaskers is smart and yet masters nothing. WOW! Did you get that? We are marginally good at lots of things and yet fail at something great.  Argh!  Parenting?  Home schooling? Keeping our homes? Preparing meals? Staying fit?  Being a true friend?  Oh boy...

.I am failing.

 Like I said....some things I can do good every now and then, but what about consistency?  As I write this my kids are doing school. I left the kitchen half way clean. The laundry is partially done, and a multitude of other things are undone and I can't even remember what they are.  Now, I realize that some things can't be completed.  I can't continue folding laundry while the baby is screaming to be fed. I then am called to help my 4th grader with math while I am cleaning the kitchen and he must be the priority at that point.  I get all of that, but

I wonder if I haven't majored in the minors.

Where is it breaking down?  Do I make a list and follow it?  Or do I have lists that have lists and I haven't the faintest idea where the lists are?  Do I prioritize properly and follow through?  Where am I getting bogged down?  Where is God in all of this?  Okay, wait a minute.  I KNOW where He is.....but do I acknowledge HIM and keep Him front and center in my daily routine?

I must learn to do multiple things without losing the big picture.  I must prioritize better and plan better and follow through better.  I must not get lost in details.  If I keep my house thinned out (get rid of junk), my schedule to a minimum for the family and the season of life, and follow through then things can go more smoothly.  ADD is created for many of us.  We set ourselves up for it by trying too hard to do too many things and do them all well.  It is a recipe for disaster. BI-Polar? I think we create that as well.  Don't go postal on me. I believe in bi-polar, for crying out loud, this diagnosis alone will feed my family with my husband being a counselor. I just think we set ourselves up for failure more times than we actually fail.

When I am scurrying around I miss the really big moments.  I miss when my son comes to me with his birthday list of people he wants to invite written in robot script. He was excited and proud and I dashed his excitement when I told him, "later".  I was simply answering an email that was NOT important and I hurt him.  He felt like he wasn't important and my email recipient couldn't have cared less.  I blew it.  I don't want to blow it any more. I am watching this multi-tasking thing. I am tossing it out. I am attempting to change it. I may get less done. I may appear less productive, but

I must not miss the BIG things while attending to lots of meaningless little things.

Cleft Palate Surgery #2

     Surgery is done.  We have waited and agonized and prayed and considered and now it is done.  Of course, it really isn't DONE, just completed.  We may not know for months if it was a success and that is only after we get through 3 weeks to see if the surgical site heals and doesn't fail.  It is hard not to fail.....

 Arrived at Ronald McDonald House.

 Playing on the playground.

Let's DO THIS!

 Trying to motivate her to eat so we could make it through the morning with NOTHING until surgery at 12.

 Coloring to pass the time.

Official nurse for the day, badge, stethoscope and gloves.

     Our goal is that the longer palate will enable her to speak better and be able to use consonants.

     #1 cause of failure: infection.  This can happen easily and taking antibiotics is crucial....funny thought since the meds taste NASTY, there are 12 ml each time and they must be taken 3 times a day.  Oh and did I mention that swallowing is painful since the entire back of her mouth is stitched and swollen. Yes, we have tried ALL of the tricks.....all of them so don't even go there. The best and quickest method may cause her to need therapy later in life, but it gets it down so we go with it.  It involves wrapping her in a blanket so she can't move her arms, straddling her and holding her mouth open, while one person rubs the swallow reflex muscle on her neck, another holds her nose and one uses a syringe to put it in her mouth.  It can't be put in the far back because of all of the stitches, and popsicles cannot be used...again, stitches.  Food...tried it, juice, done, shakes, every flavor as well as slushies.  Sleeping, funny.  She still spews some out and I wear most of it, but we put more in the syringe than is needed hoping she gets at least half of the dose.  Yes, we would appreciate prayers on this.  Today is Day 3 of 5.  We can make it....I hope.

     #2 cause of failure: a cold.  Yes, a cold.  Dripping down on the palate is a sure fire way for it to fail and a hole to appear.  Wow!  We have 6 kids.  We go lots of places.  They also said to resume all activities.....where. there. are. cold. germs.  For crying out loud.  For now we are diffusing the Doterra Essential Oil Onguard like crazy and a few others just for safe measure.  We are also washing lots of hands!  We'd wear masks if I could get away with it.

 Waking up...kind of.

 Moved to room...not wanting to wake up.

Caroline comforting her.  What a great big sister!

     The surgery went WAY better than before!  We told the anesthesiologist about how violent she is when she wakes up....like has to be held down for a long time as she screams and writhes and fights.

 As a side note: Screaming can cause failure too due to the added pressure on the site.

   He tweaked her meds and she came out calm.  In fact she really didn't completely come out until the next day at 1 :30 am.  Lucky me. She would respond, but she wasn't truly awake.  Miracle.  Pain level was low and manageable...until we got home and that is another story all together.  That also involves more medicine....that actually tastes good, but after the nasty medicine you can't convince her that is tastes good or will help anything so we are back to  the blanket thing again and future therapy for being held down by her mom and being forced to take nasty medicine.  Not a pretty picture. I hate it, but I want her to be able to speak properly and so we march on.

   

 Bonus:  We had a corner room with a "dining room" with a view that was incredible!

 My dinner view.

  Night view!  Isn't God cool?

    We all think we can already tell that she speaks better, but we are so hopeful that we could be imagining it.  Plus the doctor said weeks or months could go by before we hear any results.  The palate is longer so as long as the surgical site heals we have done what needed to be done .....for now.  There could be more surgeries, we just don't know.  I am thankful for her and thankful  that I get to be her mom and fight this fight for her.  Even if she may not see it that way right now.

 Feeling a little bit better.

 Not feeling so well, but trying hard to play with Becky in the playroom.

Trying to be brave!

    I am also thankful for Becky and Caroline being with me through it all.  How did God choose me to receive so many great blessings?  For Becky to be able to be off work and Caroline for being willing to come.  For my mom watching the other kids and spoiling them rotten.  Yes, Kylie thinks she is a princess most of the time.  For all of the many FB messages offering prayer and encouragement!  Wow!  They have blown me away.  For friends to comfort and encourage me when we got more medical news that we were expecting and the weight of that was huge.  As it turns out, it may be a mistake.  We will find out more next week as we go for tests to confirm or deny.  This visit will be a rough one since Paris is already on "high alert" when around doctors.

 It's blurry, but you can see the stitches across the entire back and up the front making a T.  They are black.

Not wanting to open her mouth, but trying to smile since getting the word that she can go home!

     This journey is hard, but not overwhelming.  God knew Paris needed someone to fight for her and with her.  She is a fighter in her own right.  She has come so very far from that starving little girl who came to us.  She was not given much of a hope for anything...

(this came from the hospital staff as well as caseworkers, not from us.  We politely, but firmly told them not to ever say that again about a child in our care.   God would have the last word and that we would put everything we had into her care and we had GREAT hope for her)

Picture of Becky with Paris at the first surgery.  She was almost 1. She was still in foster care.

.....but those who said that about her don't know my King and don't know who she really is.  We have witnessed so many miracles on her behalf and I know there will be many more.  My heart overflows with who she is today and the knowledge of who she will be in the future.  God has so many great things in store for her life and I get to sit in the front row and watch God paint this incredible portrait.  WOW!  I have no words for being chosen like this.  All because I said, "Yes" to being willing to hold his precious children in foster care.  I.... had.... no.... idea.  I knew it would be tough..... and it has been.  I knew there would be heartache.... and there has been.  I knew we would be mocked and questioned by our very own friends about our choices...and they have, BUT no one sees what we see. Not really!  It is miraculous!  It is the very hand of God at work right in front of us. To God be the Glory!

When is it appropriate to walk away and when is it time to stand firm?

     So, I really ranted today on Facebook.  I must say that I did pray about it before my fingers did the walking on the keys, but I also might add that 2 ER trips in 4 days and almost 3 weeks of a preemie newborn have taken the toll on my brain so I was NOT in the best shape.  Somehow that didn't stop me.  Please Lord forgive me when I open my mouth and I shouldn't and yet let me open my mouth when I need to.  This is one of those moments that is up for debate.  I was firm and a bit harsh, but I felt like it was one of those moments where I had to defend "foster homes".

The below quote was found on a friend's Facebook page.

“The truth is that the 143 million orphaned children and the 11 million who starve to death or die from preventable diseases and the 8.5 million who work as child slaves, prostitutes, or under other horrific conditions and the 2.3 million who live with HIV add up to 164.8 million needy children. And though at first glance that looks like a big number, 2.1 billion people on this earth proclaim to be Christians. The truth is that if only 8 percent of the Christians would care for one more child, there would not be any statistics left.”  

No problem there.  The post was profound, but it was what followed that really caught me off guard.  The reply stated (I did copy her post, but only want to quote part of it in defense of her) that she was saddened by the cost of adoptions (rightfully so) and complained that children were taken out of their homes "to be placed in worse foster homes than the homes they were originally in".  Ouch!  Really?  That means me.  

That means that all of those sleepless nights where I rocked a colicky baby, 

those days for 45 minutes I held a raging, flailing child while he screamed in agony of the pain in his heart and mind,

those months of scheduling therapy after therapy and then coming home and doing the follow up therapies on our own, 

the late nights,

 the challenges or training and working with a child not to hoard food - to show them that they won't be hungry again, 

 the awful long, painful days after cleft palate surgery where that precious baby screamed at the pain as I held her and assured it would be alright, 

the agony of having my heart ripped out when I find out one of my precious children returned only 7 months earlier has now been severely burned, 

the other foster child who came as a baby and now at age 5 is reported to be in a mental hospital,

the paperwork, 

the 20th anniversary trip that had been dreamed of for years that couldn't be scheduled because there was no respite home available and the children we had really didn't need to go through change, 

the lost lunches with friends

 and pedicures 

weekends with the girls

and relaxing nights reading a book by the fire....

those were because I AM A WORSE FOSTER HOME?  

I took offense.  I greatly took offense.  In fact, I was rather ticked.  So.....I prayed. I prayed for God to calm my heart.  I prayed to know if I should reply.  I prayed on how to reply.  I then knew that I couldn't stand by and let a generalization like that go by.  I have been hurt by more Christians than any non- Christians in this journey and it was time to take a stand.  Being a Christian does not mean being a doormat. For whatever reason, Christians (finger is pointed at me as well, people.  I am NOT innocent) tend to be very judgmental and they tend to listen to the media a great deal and take it as the gospel (well, actually that is EVERYONE...shame on us).  I am not alone.  I am in a large group of families who have stepped out in faith into an ugly, HARD mission field, where there is little support from anyone and that includes friends because they don't understand why you would DO SOMETHING like this.  Why would we take on "other people's problems" (yes, that was said to me).  

     These foster families have sacrificed more in a few short years than many will in a lifetime and yet these families don't give up.  We all have a secret. Well, not really a secret because we are all willing to share it, but few would listen.  The secret is CHRIST.  You can feel him....I mean almost physically feel him,  holding you.  You feel his breath on your skin as he lifts your weary head.  You feel him wipe your tears as you learn things you thought you knew about and yet really didn't until you held in your arms the victims themselves.  I know this is a repeat of an earlier post, but it bears repeating.  He blesses us in ways NOT of this world.  We definitely don't have those worldly treasures, but these are even better.  God comes through in ways none of us can really explain.

     Are there bad foster homes?  Well, you tell me?  Is there evil in this world?  Yes!  Do people do it for money?  I don't know how knowing how very little we are paid, but maybe. BUT there are seemingly insignificant people, with little to give who are doing great things for God.  You won't notice them because they are subtle, but God is cheering and he is the only one we serve!

     I will let this pass.  I have already forgiven her.  She didn't mean anything harsh, she just didn't get it.  She hasn't stepped out into the raging waters to watch Jesus let her walk.  She hasn't seen the face of God quite on this level. She probably thinks she has.  I know I thought I had. I was wrong. I have only begun to taste the love and power and magnitude of Jesus. Now  I must stand and defend those who are giving up lots of worldly things for these children including our family. No one will throw a parade in our honor and yet we wouldn't want that anyway. There are diapers to change and hearts to mend.  Who has time for a parade? God's work is at hand and we are busy, loving every minute of it!

    Thank you Lord for choosing me.  Thank you for taking someone like me who is so small and so unequipped with little to offer and allowing me to do something beautiful.  I am not worthy and yet you chose me.  I march forward!

 

Below is what I posted.  I know it was harsh.  Don't hate on me.  

      Soapbox Warning!  I must comment. I have prayed all the way home after I heard what was posted. I am doing this in love, but must share my heart. I was offended, greatly actually. My family and I (yes, my kids...all of them share this journey) have poured the last 4 years into being foster parents and for someone to make a blanket statement about "worse foster homes than the homes they were in" breaks me. 

      That is NOT fair and is coming from sensational media and oh how I dislike the media. Those "bad" foster homes are few and far between. We have altered our lives because GOD told us to do this. We wouldn't change ANY of it at all. Our lives are upside down. We see horrors that we never expected and hold those precious children who were victims of that horror. We miss lots of things and yet we love every moment of doing what we do. Please, I beg you to NOT make statements on something you know nothing about. Unless you have been willing to step up and be a foster family do NOT judge them and say things about them. I am a part of a large group of families that have made sacrifices you will never be able to comprehend for these children. I realize this may sound harsh, but I feel it must be said and that is also the reason I chose to make it public on here and not sent privately. I want everyone to understand that what you hear in the media is NOT a sample of what is really going on. 

     BTW adoption through the foster care system is FREE! FREE! FREE! and often comes with medical and college paid for. Yes,  adoption can be expensive privately, but I must ask,

 How big is your God? My God is bigger than the pain I feel when my heart is ripped from my body when a child returns to a bad situation and then returns after being severely burned 7 months later. My God is bigger than my weary body as I type this after spending the night in the ER for the 2nd time in 4 days with another foster child. My God is bigger than my selfish wishes to go to bed and not sit and love on this precious preemie that I hold in my arms while typing. I will serve HIM and will continue the call he has placed me no matter HOW hard, how challenging and how life altering it is. I will continue no matter how many people criticize and say hurtful things about something they know nothing about and about people they do not know. My GOD IS BIG! And for that reason I will walk forward for yet another child and I will give WAY beyond myself because I am not equipped to carry the load that HE has called me to, but am so thankful my GOD IS BIG because he carries me in my weakness. 

     A note on "expensive costs" and "hoops": I look at those differently now. They are there to show HOW BIG GOD is. They are there so that at the end of the journey you can do nothing, but fall on your face before God to praise because it couldn't have happened without him. God often gives you MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE because he wants you totally DONE AND SPENT and EMPTIED out for him. That is when you see his hands holding and carrying you. Ladies, I hope this has not been too harsh and yet I want it to be something for you to ponder. I am closing this before I attempt to get some sleep with prayer for you both and the lives you live before him. For your friends and their struggles. May God show you just how BIG he is and that he loves you and the journey he has called you on as well.  

I don't wanna!

I admit it!  I don't want to do it.  It's hard and unpleasant and inconvenient.  You can't go ANYWHERE without it being a problem.  The whole family talks about it, you end up making a BIG deal of it in public.  You spend countless hours planning around it.  Now multiply that by 3 and it makes me want to scream.  You would think the amount of money saved alone would make me happy, BUT NOOOOO!  I just DO NOT want to do it. 

     Kylie is already there...most of the time.  Lately...the BIG one is more of a challenge because it happens during naptime.  This means.. oh I don't have to tell you what it means.  How many pairs of panties must I buy?  How many must I scrub?  Ewwwww......
    
     Potty Training is NOT fun.  Paris actually goes in the potty all the time, BUT since she has NEVER had a solid poop in her lifetime how am I going to do this?  I just don't wanna!  I know, I know.....I like 'em potty trained at 2 and we are at the 2 1/2 mark for Paris with Kylie being potty trained at about the almost 3 year old mark.  I need to do it and I should do it and I should add CJ to the mix.  It is a rather funny site to see his rather large body sitting on our pick potty.  I could spring for a "boy" one, but that won't make it easier so why spend the money!

     Imagine the places I will have to take 3, count them 3 little ones to the potty.  All pulling down their pants, yelling, "I go firrrrrst"....all 3 plus me in a super small stall that might have been cleaned in 1992.  This is not a vision of loveliness. So I sit here and wonder when.....and I have no answers, but obviously I am not doing it since I am sitting here!  UGH!

Be Careful Little Eyes What You See...

       Looking into the sweet little face of "Landon" (named changed) I see the gentle face of Jesus and yet like a fast flickering video I also see the face of pain while Jesus held the weight of the world on his shoulders as he died for us.  I can't see one without the other.  This is painful!  One cannot EXIST without the other.  His little almost 4 year old mind is not innocent.  He has seen too much that he was not meant to see.  He has lived horror that most of us only read about in scary novels or watch on movies we shouldn't submit ourselves to.  Landon loves with reckless abandon and yet his mind is still trying to process what he's seen and with that same passion, he strikes out with anger against an unknown foe.  One cannot happen without the other. There can't be joy without pain, not in this case. Landon's smile is infectious, his hug could heal a broken heart and yet he is broken.  His mind is in motion beyond his years.  One moment he is an innocent 3 year old and the next he is fighting to process drug abuse, guns, threats, abandonment, being on the run, broken promises and life on the edge of spinning out of control.  He was not created for this.  He was not meant to see what he has seen or hear what he has heard.

...Be careful little eyes what you see

It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings,

...be careful little ears what you hear

When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near... 

(Casting Crowns.... Slow Fade...

using the words from a Children's bible song and adding some to them).  

    This pulls me back into the movie The Odd Life of Timothy Green.  He was only meant to be there for a time, but meant to leave a permanent mark on the lives he touched.  They cannot remain the same once he is gone.  That is what foster care does to you.  You prepare for them, you feed them, you love them, they become a part of your family and a part of you, and you think things are NORMAL....and then in a moment, a mere phone call, they are gone.  You are expected to move on and prepare for another placement, and you do, but you are NEVER the same.  Time marches on and you are somehow in your mind, stuck in a moment that has passed.

 Nothing is normal ever again. 

      It's subtle, but it's there.  You can't explain it.  You can't cry it out.  You can't let go....  not....   really. It hangs around like a mist that never lifts. It whispers to you and normal is a thing of the past.  You see things differently and yet you know that other people don't see what you see and you can't explain it either.  You want to scream and yet you know you would be alone.  Not that no one cares, but that time marches on and doesn't wait for your scream. You are trapped in a bubble of sorts.  Most of this changes you for the better if you flow this way with the mist.  If not, then you are trapped in the pain.  

     You MUST leave the cross.....Jesus wants you to see the cross, but he wants you to move past it to the VICTORY of the empty tomb.  Where you are determines how you live.  You must keep moving.  (In the words of Dory...."Just keep swimming, just keep swimming").  You know we are only here for a little while and you really start to grasp that we are not made for this life, but you must live it and live it well.  The cross and the EMPTY tomb beg that of you.  

    I still hear the laughter and cries of the children we have had.  I hold them in my mind and I hold ME in my mind when they were with us.  I am not the same.  I can no longer view things the same any more.  We go through life and seldom realize how dramatically events have the potential to alter us.  Some  have little impact and then some....change.   us.   forever.  The earth tilts and the colors change, and life....is...different.  Forever.  

     We're both better and worse all in one package.  We have missing parts of our hearts and damaged parts of our hearts and yet when Jesus puts us back together we are whole again in a mixed up sort of way.  A damaged way and yet it's better....and worse.  We are stronger and more resilient and sometimes also more fragile.  A contradiction really....actually.  And yet we see the world for what it is with our new views....our new views that can't be explained.  The rose colored glasses are off and yet there is beauty in a radical sort of way.  Not a pure way, but in a "back of the tapestry" kind of way.  Where the threads are all tangled and knotted until you see the front. This is not our home and it becomes very clear each time a child comes and a child leaves.  Moments are more precious and yet some moments we want to run from because they show us how real and how horrible the world can be.  How did we get here....this world....so far from Eden?


     Landon is not even MY foster child and yet his life with my friend's family will forever be etched there.  He will only be with us all for a little while.  I'm not sure why I say this. His future has not been stated by the courts, but somehow I know this.   His life and his struggles and his victories will be with us forever regardless of where he is.  Some memories change you and you can never be the same. Some people see him as a little boy with lots of potential.  Don't we always say that?  Have you ever heard someone say, "if only he had something to work with"? I agree with his potential for the future and yet I see the pain and scars that he will carry too. 
     
     I am not leaving God out of the equation.  I am not a "glass is half empty" kind of gal, but I have seen these kids.  The scars will not go away.  Jesus still has scars from the cross.  These children can heal, but they are scarred.  I see his history in his eyes and yet I am not sure how, really.  He is NOT even in my home and yet his soul cries out to me.  He has touched more than just me.  His brief time brings the face of Jesus even closer and yet the agony of the cross and what it means closer still.  One cannot be without the other.  I never quite saw it this way.  This makes victories so much sweeter.  Rising above our scars.  Without the cross, can you rise above the past?  Absolutely, but what would be the point, really. It is a much greater victory to understand how far you can go with Jesus as a central focus. 

     Oh, I GOT it, but not on this level.   The pain, the anguish, the agony, the betrayal, the brutality still brings the gentleness and love and grace.  Those gentle hands have seen brutality beyond what we can understand.  That is why...I cannot ever go back and be innocent.  I have seen too much.  We are a long way from Eden.  Jesus sheds tears daily for where we are  and what we have created with this world he gave us.  All of us....and we march on still. 

Changed....forever.

   This is one of those posts that may never really be finished.  I am not THAT kind of writer.  These are stream of consciousness kind of thoughts.  Rambling thoughts.....thoughts that repeat themselves and chase rabbits and wander.  This was written in the middle of the night because it woke me up and God very clearly told me to get up and write.  Maybe I will tweak it...maybe not....so come back.  I wouldn't publish it, but God once again has told me to do so....right now.  Don't be afraid to step into unchartered territory....whatever that may be for you.  God wants us to see and wants us to love and wants to carry us through.  He wants us to UNDERSTAND what he did for us on the cross.  Face the cross and then turn to the empty tomb. 

Just keep swimming.

Join, Comment and Share the love....

     I would love for you to join me...meaning REALLY, click the join button!  Not that I want to stalk you....you can join without giving me much info, but I would love to share in your journey when I get to read....which isn't as often as I would like.

     I would also love for you to comment.  For those who blog, we love comments.  It just makes us feel like we wrote something that had some impact on someone.  That is was worth writing or reporting or maybe not....depending on what your comment was.  I would LOVE to hear from you!


   Share....well, tell friends, share on your blog or Fb or wherever.  I am hoping to do some changes on my blog to make it even more friendly to use.  Many people ask specifically about how we became foster parents and what they MAIN story is.  I need to get a space to just share that besides the  ABOUT ME section.  Also, many ask about the MAIN posts regarding freezer cooking.  These are labeled Cooking Part 1, Cooking Part 2 and Cooking Part3. I want to make those easier to get to as well.

     My blog started out as a private journal of sorts and slowly, but surely became public as I shared our journey with others.  It improves....I hope....as time goes on.  I have more drafts than posts, but I want to be sure they are relevant and worth being shared so they get added as I get to them even though their original dates are the same.

     I am VERY real.  I will share the good and the bad, the tough and the awesome.  We are NOT a perfect family and you will GET THAT as you read.  We love the Lord, we love each other and we strive to improve and learn every single day!

I sometimes guest blog.  I do not make money from my blog, at least not today.  I just share life as I see it in my little bitty view.  I have incredible friends who lift me up and share with me and for that I am grateful.  I also have an amazing family who loves me in my crazy sort of eclectic sort of life....sort of.  Hahaha!

WARNING: Graphic toddler content

   
     Warning!  The may be too graphic for some and cause undue stress so read with caution!  It could be very disturbing to most.  If you were looking for a nice little post with cute little pictures about darling children who always say yes ma'm and clean their rooms and do not hit their siblings, this is not only the wrong post for you, but probably the wrong blog.  We are a little TOO real here.


Wow!  I am tired!  DO NOT tell me I look tired.  I know this!  Tell me I look wonderful and thinner and younger so I can live in an unrealistic world for a few minutes before I realize you are just trying to be nice.

     The battle of the girls....and boy!  I must tell you there is nothing quite like being beat by 2 little girls over and over again. The surprise attacks are relentless. Maybe I am not willing to realize that these girls mean business and when I walk out of the room they pull out blueprints and fancy computers and make a plan that could rival war strategy.  For crying out loud, they weigh less than 30 lbs.  If you have twins younger than my NOT twins (they are 7 months apart and adopted)....please don't read this.  It could cause undue stress.  It would be best if you marched ahead in a state of toddler bliss just before the attack hits.

 Someone, whose name won't be mentioned dad left the closet door unlocked.  I found the girls in their matching raincoats with the bottom 3 rows of the shoes holder ripped to shreds.  The were holding curtain rods in their hands.  I have NO IDEA where those came from.  I told you they were devious!

     Maybe I should back up.  I won't go over every  detail, it's just too much for the average reader and could actually be very disturbing to others.  The first devious plan of these girls was to empty all drawers.  Keep in mind there are 3, count them 3 children in there and naively I stored a few more items I keep for foster care in this room.  NO MORE! Do you know how many drawers there are?  10!  They used to be organized and folded and neat.  They could have been in a magazine.

     The next plan of mine was just to dump the items all in helter skelter,  because I fooled myself into thinking this was training for them them to learn to clean up. Plus I now no longer care what it looks like in areas that are not open in public.... or any area for that matter.  Cloth diapers, pjs, shorts, boy or girls, skirts, baby monitors, stretchy headbands, panties, shirts, swim suits, socks, board books, shoes, diapers, swim diapers, snacks.  You get the point. This didn't work and I got tired of wading through clothes after bedtime and 2 naptimes.  We cleaned out!

      I went back to my original plan.  20 outfits per child and NO more.  4 pjs per child.  Shoes down to 4 for girls and 2 for boys.  Didn't work either.....now they go in the closet.  Shoes on a shoe rack and pjs in the shoes rack...clever idea from a friend.  Drawers are empty!  Illusions of neat little clothes in them.

     HELLO....they now go in the closet!  The sliding closets....they have locks on them.  Had to do that after I found one little girl on the top shelf throwing down clothes to the other little girl with sounds of joyful laughter echoing through the house!!!  Another clean out day!  Those items now reside on the top shelf of my oldest daughter's closet.  Sheets, extra blankets, stuffed animals......those actually got donated to CPS.  They bring us one at every event and I just keep giving them back.  I could have filled an entire bathroom to the ceiling with stuffed animals.  If you are looking for things to donate to foster kids, please DO NOT DONATE another stuffed animal!  Diapers would be good, but NO STUFFED ANIMALS no matter how cute and fluffy.  Give them to your dog.

     Now, the next attack came with pulling the blinds down, emptying 2 containers of wipes (yes, my husband makes 2 at a time, because we are SO SMART.....not).  Mattresses were completely upended in the room.  Toddler bed mattresses and the slats were everywhere.  Picture frames were tossed about with broken glass everywhere. To the untrained eye it would have looked like robbery, but I KNEW the REAL robbers and they aren't even 3 feet tall.  I AM THE VICTIM here.

Broken picture frame in attempt to have a cute little girls room.

     If you go into their room now, do not ask why the beds look so funny.  They are strapped down tightly with bungee cords causing them to bulge in weird places.  Yes there are locks everywhere and not a toy in sight.  The bookshelf contains 2 cloth cubbies.  One has a select few stuffed animals and baby dolls and the other has dilapidated board books.  There are NO TOYS.  Yes, you could think we are ONE OF THOSE foster homes.  It appears that way. No toys....poor little girls!  Do not feel sorry for these children!!! They have plenty of toys, they are just under lock and key and don't reside in their bedroom.  They do have diapers and clothes, they are just locked in their closet and the extra clothes I cleaned out are in the cute cloth cubbies that don't reside on the cute bookshelf any longer.  There is nothing CUTE about any of this.

     This is real  life.  If you wonder what I do in my spare time? What I do for a hobby?  Rest assured I am gearing up for the next battle.  I am sure it is coming.  Ceiling, walls, windows, locks....they are NO match for these little vixens!   I know I am no match for them either, but the battle rages!

Please consider leaving me a COMMENT to tell me how sorry you are or how you feel my pain, do not tell me you are laughing your head off or anything of that nature.  I would like to stay off of antidepressants at least one more day or try to keep from tipping the bottle....oops, too late.

Collecting Children...

     This term has come up more frequently of late.  I hear it in with regard to foster parents as well as foster adopt parents.  The funny thing I've noted is that it is NEVER from one of those parents.  It always seems to come from those on the "outside".  Hum.....  One example came from "friends" hovering over a friend of mine's new foster son. We'll call the foster mom Lisa. They oohed and they ahhed and then they began to share how this person or that person has been waiting FOREVER for a child so would Lisa please GIVE this child to them.  WOW!  That is bold and disturbing.  GIVE a child to someone!  GIVE a child that belongs to the state, technically, first and second to Lisa.  These well meaning friends knew Lisa wanted to adopt, but they accused her of "collecting" children since she already had 2 biological children.   

     Blood boiling alert....  My friend, Lisa, who prayed for a long time with her family about standing in the gap for these children. My friend who sacrificed countless hours training, preparing her home for foster care regulations, filling our countless pages of paperwork, who went through hours of questioning on personal matters for a home-study.... and who waited by the phone for that call with her family willing to alter their lives.  GIVE them to someone who had done none of the work at all and wasn't willing to?  Who just saw a child in crisis and wanted to step in and take action.....and judge.  In my best East Texas accent I must say, "That was just tacky!"  What a slap in the face to Lisa.  Now, over a year later I don't see any of those families standing in line to take classes for foster care.  They wanted the EASY button and they wanted Lisa to do all of the work!  And the last year has been WORK and a battle of every form....emotionally, physically and legally....yep, still no takers, but Lisa and her family...hearts on the line, day in and day out.  Lack of sleep, numerous doctor visits, tears wiped, lessons learned, schedules adjusted....and so on and so on.

    Now, I hear the "collecting" children term to refer to any family who is a foster parent, having adopted or not.  Especially if the family is a little larger than the norm.  Hint:  If you don't plan on having a larger family, it would be best not to get into foster care.  Just saying!  It takes quite a bit to upset me, but this upsets me.  I believe what I am about to say would be said by many other if not ALL foster parents, but alas I can only claim it as my opinion for the sake of argument. Whether or not you plan to adopt, these children are YOURS.  The state controls it all, but as long as the paperwork is there, they are yours (and yours in your heart forever).  When you spend days on end trying to hold a baby that will NOT be held because of drug addiction or reactive attachment disorder (RAD) or fear and then that child cuddles against you looking deep into your eyes while stoking your face, you will rock that baby and sing Jesus Loves Me all night long to hold on to that moment.  EVEN if they leave your arms the next day. Not because of the cuddling, but because they now CAN cuddle, they CAN attach, and you know in that moment they do feel safe.  That moment is worth the broken heart their leaving will bring. Can I hear an "amen"?

     When you spend countless months running back and forth to the school to talk to teachers about behavior problems of your school aged child.  When teachers share their fears that the child will never be able to learn, and counselors confess they don't see how the behavior can improve under the circumstances of their past, you press ahead and work all the harder.  Then all of a sudden things get a little better.  You pass it off as just a moment of peace for everyone, but it continues.  As the case progresses termination is inevitable and non kinship placement is sought.  Then one day the teacher and counselor meet with you and share that a true miracle has occurred. The child is thriving, learning, making friends and sharing many stories of "home" meaning, "your home".  The child feels safe and loved and now the child is ready to move forward without a fight.

     At this moment, the adoption worker comes to talk to you about this child so they can prepare the file for adoptive families.  You are thrilled this child  will get to begin fresh, but this precious child looks into your face at bedtime and asks if you will be his forever mommy.  You explain lots of things including the fact that you already have 6 children (or  however many...this is NOT my story).

     At that moment you know this child feels secure and even in your rather large family you are providing that. You also know because research shows it in glaring color that another change will set this child back.  Collecting children?  Is this family collecting children if they choose this one? What do you think?  This is NOT to say that every child should be adopted by their foster family, BUT how dare anyone accuse someone of collecting children.  Does it happen for the wrong reasons?  Certainly, but until you have walked a mile in one of these families shoes do not make this judgement. Pray for them and the child and the right decision to be made and then STAY OUT.  Or better yet, get licensed and learn first hand what day to day life looks like for these families.  They are thriving and yes the kids do get individual attention and they are NOT lost in the shuffle. It is just different from your day.  THOSE moms don't go to lunch with friends, or get pedicures at spas (They do, however get top notch pedicures from precious children), or play golf and go on weekends away.  The don't shop for new clothes very often or go on dinner dates.  Their time is spent differently and they wouldn't trade it.

     Changes are hard for children, especially under the age of 3.  The developing brain looks for pattern and routine and even in the best of circumstances with the most loving of parents, a child is going to go through a difficult time with it.  Will you see it?  Probably not!  Many people say "children are resilient", well yes, they take their next breath, but the brain has a blip on it and it will show up somewhere whether in learning challenges, or RAD or any number of other ways.  Dr. Karyn Purvis is the most famous at bringing this to view, but there are many other studies done to prove it.

     When I see these larger families who have adopted many, I see large hearts willing to go the extra mile to truly let GOD fill them to be able to find balance and love in large numbers!  Yes, it may seem weird to you and odd and challenging, but it is their choice and their life and I assure you, there is joy beyond measure there.

Breaking Hearts...

Please take a moment to read Breaking Heart and Building Families.  The button is on the side of my blog.  My sweet friend Celena have felt called to step into a new world of ministry for foster/adoptive families.  We are not only blogging, but we are also available for speaking engagements on a large number of topics within this realm, as well as encourage Orphan Care Ministries within your church.  Please join us on FB or Pinterest or read our blog!  We get giddy with comments so PLEASE share your thoughts.  If you have adopted or have fostered and would like to share your story with us, please do!  We would love to share it with others! Also, please pray as we wait expectantly for the Lord to lead us where HE would have us go.  Thank you!

If you were adopted....

     If you were adopted and the adoption was closed, would you want to open it?  Why or why not?  Would your reasons have anything to do with your parents or curiosity?  Do you feel like something is missing or you have had something vital withheld from you?

     I AM adopted and I have always known and yet I have never wanted to know anything.  Honestly.  I have never felt something was missing or had low self esteem, or refused relationships because I felt a void or loss in my life.  Am I weird?  Okay, don't answer that one.  I keep reading so many stories about people with empty, sad lives who say it has to do with a closed adoption and I just don't get it.  I don't relate.  I don't believe I have "suppressed" something or am in denial.  I truly had a great childhood.  Of course I resented my parents when I was a teenager. They were strict and I wanted to do what I wanted.  I survived and lived to be a stricter parent, much to my kids' dismay.  My parents are awesome and I can't imagine them being anyone else.

     Where is my birthmother now?  How does she feel about placing me for adoption?  I have no idea.  I pray she moved on and made a life for herself, but research is showing that it may not be true, but then again, research shows I should lack self esteem and have a miserable life as a result of being adopted and that is simply NOT true.  So strange.  Of course that is challenge with "research", how can it be reliable?  Is is reliable?  Why or why not? When we read research, and we do EVERY day, how much value do we place in the research and how does that shape our opinion?

      Just thought I would post these questions to see what feedback I get.  I really DO want your opinions.

Race...

     Race is always a hot topic when talking about adoption.  Opinions are like noses....everyone has one and some are more pointed than others.  Each family has to decide what is right for them.  I know many of you may TOTALLY disagree with me and that is fine.  I would love to hear your thoughts because I can always learn from different opinions.  I do ask, that you be respectful to all races and to me....it is my blog which means I CAN share my opinions.

     Some things I need to clarify.  I DID not adopt my daughters nor do I foster to save different races from their race.  By the calling of God we opened our home to ANY child.  Race was not in the equation.  We would take them all. I am NOT trying to make my adopted daughters white.  I am NOT colorblind.  That is a term many people use to imply that they are for ALL races.  For me it means that I don't notice what makes them who they are.

     I have a daughter who is black.  This I know! We don't use the term African American often mainly because MY black friends don't like that term.  They have TAUGHT me a few things about that.  I do use it in situations where I am expected to be politically correct....sometimes.  I'll be honest, I am NOT always politically correct!  I am never going to make her white.  I don't want to.  It's not who she is.  She does have white parents and most of her siblings are white, but that doesn't change who she is.  She is loved and she is a child of God who happens to have parents of a different race.

     As a side note: I also have a daughter who is bi-racial.  She is very light skinned, but clearly both black and white.  I am not going to make her white either.  She is not.

    Now, here it gets touchy.  I am often asked about dating and marriage and what my thoughts are on the various races in my family.  Don't send me hate mail!  I am praying for a GODLY spouse for each of my children. Race is not in my prayers.  I had a wonderful conversation with a dear friend on this subject and we totally agreed with each other and she brought up some beautiful points.  Do you really think God sees race when he looks at you?  He sees the uniqueness, He celebrates it and yet he has no judgement to pre conceived ideas.  Just love. Simply love. God didn't invent races....we did due to sin and yet God in all of his wisdom, made something so very beautiful out of it all. What we did is a different story. We became divided against our very own brothers and sisters.  God sees uniqueness and individuality and yearns for his children, but color is not in the equation.  I am not necessarily looking for a black man for my black daughter, but in turn I am not necessarily looking for a white man or woman for my white children.  I am looking for a Godly spouse. I can feel the heat rising as some of you read!  Yes, I think it can be challenging for mixed raced couples and it always had been.  Shouldn't be, but it is true that there are challenges.  Not just a black and white thing.  Think about those men who came home from either of the World Wars with foreign brides. That DID NOT go over well.  Those women were shunned!  I think it's wrong to look at any mixed race couple any differently, but it is a fact.  You have to consider that when choosing a spouse, but that may be God's choice for you.  Who does my bi-racial daughter choose?  She is stuck in between and yet she is God's child and he knew her name and her story long before time began.  She is precious in his sight just like she is, white parents and black sister, and white brothers and sister and all.

    You must prayerfully consider your options if you are considering adoption.  You must be prepared to answer these questions and be secure in your choices.  Called by God is the best place to be.  Yes, we get stared at in public.  I think it's because my children are all so darn cute or maybe because there are 6 of them or maybe....oh yeah, of course we have different races.  It doesn't bother me.  If someone asks questions it gives me the opportunity to share just what God has done for my family!

    When we started this journey we felt a very clear call to adopt those who became available.  He knew who those children would be.  He knew their race and their background and we stepped up to the plate ready to swing.  We're still swinging!  Swinging at all the obstacles that come our way, swinging at all the myths that have been spread about foster care and adoption, still swinging at issues of race.  We will continue until there are NO MORE ORPHANS or God calls us home.

     Please feel free to share your thoughts.  I would LOVE to hear them.  I DO NOT have all the answers NOR are my answers always right.  I am a vessel being molded by my FATHER and I am open to your opinions in agreement or not.  Again, I will ask that you be respectful in every way otherwise I will delete it before I even finish.....just keeping it real here.

I'm linking up tohttp://noordinarybloghop.blogspot.com/2012/01/family-parenting-and-marriage-2012.html

Before I knew your name....

(Child saying) Dear Lord, Thank you for my mom and dad.
(Bob Carlisle singing) Angels fly above you. They know that I love you. So, I watch you dreaming now. I wonder if you know....
[ Before I knew your name. Before I saw your eyes, your chin, and your nose. Before I counted your fingers and toes, I asked Heaven for someone wonderful as you and every prayer and wish came true. I dreamed of you before I knew your name.
I am thankful for you. You know I adore you. So I watch you dreaming now. I wonder if you know...
Before I knew your name. Before I saw your eyes, your chin, and your nose. Before I counted your fingers and toes, I asked Heaven for someone wonderful as you and every prayer and wish came true. I dreamed of you before I knew your name.
I dreamed of you before I knew your name.

     I  LOVE this song.  I have sung it to every child in our home.  I even had my neighbor call me one night while I was rocking my 3rd to sleep to tell me that our baby monitors needed to have their stations changed because she could hear me singing this song to him.  She wanted to know the name of the song.  That was a WEIRD moment!  She totally heard me!  I'm glad I wasn't screaming at a child or something!  HA!  
      I have also sung every foster child to sleep with this song.  Every one handles this routine differently, but ever single child (6 fosters) will eventually lay their head on my shoulder for the song.  It's amazing!  It is a joy to share that message with them!  To let them know that they are loved and that I cherish every moment with them!  Just thought I would share that song with you.  I couldn't find a recording to share.  I will record my copy of it soon.  
     
    

November to October....

November:  Adoption of our precious foster baby Baby K
December: 20th anniversary; major surgery for me with NO lifting for 6 weeks and 2 babies in the house
January: Locke unemployed
March:  Major surgery for Miss France"pins put in Caleb's finger
May: new career for Locke
August: house sold and new one bought; Caleb started new school
September: moving with 5 children; adoption of Miss France
October: trip to Washington DC; Colin's surgery for his eardrum

one tired momma...still trying to "do school", but feeling like I have failed...too many transitions
*chores are all new and no one knows what to do, me included....who knows where anything is?
*where are the boxes labeled OPEN NOW?  That would be the cordless phones, current school books, etc.
*deadlines looming IN MY MIND...ones that I have placed there
*speaking engagements to decide on; trying not to accept too many and yet feeling very called to speak for our "invisible orphans"
*trying to write thank yous and happy birthdays and keep up with friends, but not doing very well with it
*trying to not get discouraged with Miss France aka Paris' lack of progress with auditory therapy

Transitions....I will try to do better knowing it has been a BUSY year and GOD has blessed us beyond what I can comprehend!

Washington DC Angels in Adoption

We're about to ride the Metro with my parents.

Washington DC?  I received a phone call from Buckner 3 days after we moved to tell us that we were nominated for Angels in Adoption through CCAI (Congressional Coalition Adoption Institute). Debbie Scheroler, with Buckner informed me that our local Congressman would be selecting the winner and she felt that we had a good chance of winning. Now I must tell you that when Debbie calls, most of the time it is to ask us if we would accept a placement. Since we aren't accepting placements currently and have not been re-licensed since the move I wasn't worried with the exception of siblings of our girls.  When Debbie started the sentence with, "...a few weeks ago...", I must admit I got a little worried.  This could have meant something was up with one of the siblings, etc.
     What she was really saying was that a few weeks ago our Buckner office nominated us.  Once we got down to what she was really talking about, I was flattered and honored that they felt so highly of us, but  I honestly didn't put much stake in the nomination.  We are passionate about foster/adoption and families in these positions, BUT we have not even begun to scratch the surface of what many families have been doing for years with equal passion.  Besides, life was WILD!  We had raced through an adoption and then a sudden move that got a little dicey right near the end.  Not to mention, we were incredibly busy and quite frankly tired.  What did the award mean and what would it mean if we won?  No time to contemplate. In the meantime, we were frantically unpacking and trying to find a new normal for the little girls as they were struggling with the adjustment of moving and all that it entails.  Debbie Scheroler DID mention that it could involve a trip to Washington DC, but that didn't register with me at the time as I was driving to run errands.
   Several days later, maybe even a week later a call came through with the caller ID of WASHINGTON DC.  Weird.  I don't know anyone in DC.  Sure enough it was CCAI calling to inform us that we were chosen by Louie Gohmert's office for the Angels in Adoption Award.  In a crazy call with Buckner International also getting in on the call, since they were located in the same building, I tried to process all that I was told.  Within 5 minutes my email was being flooded with information from Buckner International as well as CCAI.  Would we be attending?  How many?  Could we send a picture?  Buckner has a scholarship to help defray costs.  Please approve your bio sent from Buckner.  I could barely email Locke to share the news and sort through the emails.  As it turns out, Locke never got the email so he got all the information right when he got home from work.
    In about 3 days, we determined that we could NOT miss the opportunity to go, we invited my parents, re-vamped home school lessons to cover Government, got permission for Caleb to miss school and began arrangements for the little girls to stay here.  Seems odd that the very reasons we got the award in the first place would not be going, BUT this was not for young ones we were told by the CCAI staff.  No truer words could have been said.

TO BE CONTINUED....