If you were adopted and the adoption was closed, would you want to open it? Why or why not? Would your reasons have anything to do with your parents or curiosity? Do you feel like something is missing or you have had something vital withheld from you?
I AM adopted and I have always known and yet I have never wanted to know anything. Honestly. I have never felt something was missing or had low self esteem, or refused relationships because I felt a void or loss in my life. Am I weird? Okay, don't answer that one. I keep reading so many stories about people with empty, sad lives who say it has to do with a closed adoption and I just don't get it. I don't relate. I don't believe I have "suppressed" something or am in denial. I truly had a great childhood. Of course I resented my parents when I was a teenager. They were strict and I wanted to do what I wanted. I survived and lived to be a stricter parent, much to my kids' dismay. My parents are awesome and I can't imagine them being anyone else.
Where is my birthmother now? How does she feel about placing me for adoption? I have no idea. I pray she moved on and made a life for herself, but research is showing that it may not be true, but then again, research shows I should lack self esteem and have a miserable life as a result of being adopted and that is simply NOT true. So strange. Of course that is challenge with "research", how can it be reliable? Is is reliable? Why or why not? When we read research, and we do EVERY day, how much value do we place in the research and how does that shape our opinion?
Just thought I would post these questions to see what feedback I get. I really DO want your opinions.
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5 comments:
I just happened across your blog this evening and saw this post! I too was adopted, have always known and have no desire to find my birth mother. Friends don't understand this mind set but I feel that the man and woman who raised me, Mom and Dad, are my parents, I missed out on nothing in life and opening that file would stir up nothing but trouble, heart ache and questions. I pray my birth mother had a full, happy life but I do not need to meet her to feel fulfilled.
I am adopted and have always know and have never felt the need to find my birth mom. I know my birth father was a convicted felon and that my birth mom already had a couple of daughters. When she gave me up she did the very best thing she could for me. I love my family and have never felt that they were anything less than anyone else's. When I was younger my friends would ask about my "real mom" and I was always throw back at them that "my mom is as real as yours!" Parents don't always create us, but they are the ones who care for us. I am thankful that my birth mom had me and gave me up to such a wonderful family. She did what was best for me and I am honoring her by being successful in life and taking the chance at a great life that she gave me. I don't think she or I need anything else.
I was also adopted. I am in reunion with all of my brothers and sisters except for two. I have 12 of them. I never had the desire to know either of my parents however I did want to know medical information and later discovered that I did want a relationship with my siblings. Reunion is a personal thing, it's not for everyone. I'm glad I did it, but it wasn't without heartaches.
I am a birthmother and was very young when I gave up my son. I have moments when I would like to find things out about him and hope his mother and father gave him everything. Yes mother and father, but I realized right away that he was not meant for me. I knew I couldn't give him everything he deserved. I may sound uncaring and that I didn't love him or want him. Which I did, I just knew I couldn't be the mother he deserved. I pray that he is happy and healthy. I am not going to push, if he wants to know me that is totally up to him.
I was adopted and never had a strong desire to meet my birth mom. I had a family! I always knew I wasn't "abandoned" but that the reason I was given up was that she wanted something more for me. Out of the blue she contacted me when I was 42 and also put me in contact with the bio father. She is a nice lady and it was nice to let her know that she made the right choice and I had a great life. I really think it was more helpful for her than me. Bio dad is kind of a loser, and I have met 2 bio brothers - 1 from each side, but not the other 2. There just isn't a natural connection there. I do have an awesome aunt though. I didn't grow up with a void or sense of loss, but knowing that my family really wanted me and I wound up where I was supposed to be!
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