Pain and fear of Loss...

Now I need some prayer power. I knew this road would not be easy and I knew that God did NOT promise it would be painless. In fact he very clearly revealed to me that the road would difficult and heartache would come with it and yet he still called us onward.

"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil. 6 This means that God has plans for each life represented here. We may not get to see it completed, but HE WILL COMPLETE IT. We have to trust His wisdom.

(Please note: We will love and do currently love all of the children in our care, but this has been different because we knew she wouldn't be safe returning home. We love Little K just as much, but we know he will return and although we wouldn't choose his parents for him, that is not our choice. God did not ask us to help him in this manner and we can accept this. Fostering is not an easy road and we have only begun, but someone has to step up and love the "least of these" and God very directly has called us to do just that. It is not for everyone and I truly believe it is a direct calling not anything more or anything less.)

CPS is seeking termination of parental rights of Baby K. That's the good news. The bad news is that Baby Daddy 2 is seeking her (we do a DNA test tomorrow) and now bio mom has located an aunt who might take baby K. Never mind that this aunt knew nothing about the situation and hasn't been in contact with her at all until now. Never mind that this child is in a home who loves her and she is showered with everything a child needs. She is bonded and comfortable and loved. If this woman checks out: meaning has the means to provide for her and doesn't have a criminal history then Baby K goes to her, no questions asked. No chance for us at all, after all we are just the family who has loved her through this journey.

This is hard to even post and yet I know God is faithful and will carry us through this journey no matter what the outcome may be. I pray to remain this strong. It's not over until it's over. We are seeking legal counsel, but the law is pretty much in favor of biology.

I want to say so much right now, but want to just focus on prayer. I want to stay positive and yet be realistic. I want to watch her learn to walk. I want to teach her to read. I want to see her kick her first soccer ball or wear her first tutu or turn her first cartwheel. I want to dry her tears and hold her in my arms when she's hurting. I want to watch her on her first date, and see her graduate. I want to see her beats the odds and not return to CPS with her firstborn as they take her or him away too because she wasn't taught there is another way. I want her to know that homeless shelters are for her to go to shower love and give out of her own abundance, not as a place to live because you have NO FAMILY WHO will take you in, not even the aunt who now will take the baby. I want her to not even be on the wrong side of CPS or welfare or foodstamps. I want to see her succeed. I want her to have a future full of joy. Is that too much to ask for her? She is so joyful now... will that end? I know God's hand is on her, but this is a fallen world. How can I protect her like I have promised her when I might not be able to have her?

I am sorry if this is hard to read, but I needed to let it go. I am still sick right now so I am not sure what I am even writing, but I don't want to edit it. I just want to let it sink in. I know that those who read this will know what I mean (or at least I hope you do) and will pray for this little girl. Pray for her bio mom. She can choose for us to have her, but that is only her choice. She can choose adoption. We have offered her an open adoption. She has that option, but she is not mentally stable enough to really see it. Please pray for clarity for her and for her to realize this is about baby K, NOT her and baby K as a piece of property. As far as Baby daddy #2, we're not too worried that he will check out. Not even sure if he is the daddy. We'll find out soon. For this little girl's sake I pray he isn't. He isn't interested in her, he is interested in acquiring his property. He's proven that to her caseworker. Pray for all of them. Pray for them to find peace and a future. There are so many people out there who just wander through life never having anything. I don't mean possessions, but hope. Jesus. Friends and family who care about you no matter what you've done and what you do. Pray for them, but most of all pray for Baby K. We love her.