Intelligence of a child...

I always give credit to children for their abilities and yet I don't think I ever really understood how much they know and how much they are affected by various things. I am shocked and humbled at the mind and how God created it. My heart is breaking right now as I have to watch my sweet, innocent little foster baby girl go through agony as she visits her birth mother. Yes, agony. This child is terrified and it is obvious to anyone who has ever been around her and witnesses this exchange. She is not comfortable and in fact is scared to death. I always make sure she has a good nap and is fed. We laugh and play as I get her out of the car. The moment we enter the CPS office, she changes. Her face, her posture, her spine goes stiff. She no longer smiles, refuses to laugh and more times than not puffs out her bottom lip and wails, like I've never heard. No amount of tickling or smiling and hugging her changes that if her birth mother is there. My heart breaks. I want to run out with her, but I can't. I have to hand her over in the presence of her case worker. It never goes well and today was exceptional. I heard her screaming from the back, but I wasn't sure if it was her. It sounded like her only desperate, more high pitched. It was an eerie, gut wrenching cry that made me want to throw up. I shook for quite some time after that. She only calmed down when I cradled her and she was able to grab my shirt and bury her head in my chest. She is NOT comfortable and apparently she cried the entire time I was gone. Please God have mercy on this child. She is mine now... not because I love her. I will love them all. Because this one is MINE. She is happy and secure and joyful in our home. She is home with us. Please make this go smoothly. Please make her officially ours quickly. Please help her "mom". My heart cries out for her too. This has to hurt her and yet I feel like maybe inside she is wailing in her own way. How do I combine these 2 hurts inside. They have to be separate and yet I hurt for them both. Jesus, hold them both....separately, but both.