Journey of a Former Home-schooling, Transracial, Adoptive and Foster Family

The last few weeks have been out of sorts. Things just came at us at an amazing speed. I couldn't seem to be able to get off of the hamster wheel and so I just kept going around and around never actually getting anywhere, but getting increasingly more aggravated and TIRED. This hit a wall last Saturday, Sept 12. Locke went out of town for a Manhood Fly fishing trip with a couple of friends and their teenage boys in Arkansas. They had a fabulous time. Me.... not so much. Sat. I got sick.... stay on the couch and moan kind of sick. Throat hurt, head hurt, fever and cough. Sunday... worse. It shut everything down at our house. I couldn't think, plan, teach, clean, do anything. It is a very paralyzing feeling. I abandoned many responsibilities outside my home that left friends scarmbling and for that I am sorry. I couldn't go to Christmas Kids Musical Practice. I shut Once Upon a Closet ReSale and Aimee out and I just turned everything off. Part of that was just survival, but part of it wasn't fair to those around me. I'm not saying I needed to ignore being sick, but I didn't need to panic and tell them I just couldn't see doing anything. That was a little extreme. Monday I went to the doctor and they thought for sure it was the flu... took the test for flu and strep and both were negative. Bronchitus became the illness of choice with a request to return on Weds if I wasn't better to retest for the flu (I have flunked this test before and it was the flu). I wasn't better, BUT who wants to drag back into the doctor when you are feeling bad. More couch time. The kids were great. They did most of thier schoolwork on the floor around me, Colin reading to me every now and then and "little mama" taking care of A like she was his mama. Thursday the light began to shine for me. I got out of the hosue for a few hours only to come home and go to bed about 6, but I was returning to the land of the living. Glorious land of the living. I had a goal. I had to get well. Sat was the well planned "Cooking" Day with the cooking group. I was a newbie and I was the one who begged them to start it up again and include me. They did! Well, I made it! We cooked like crazy! We cooked from 7 until almost 12. We went home with 24 meals, made 4 for the church, had leftover chicken for 2 to 3 more meals and plans to do it again in a couple of months. It was amazing to see the meals stack up in baggies. It took forever to unload it all. My freezer is SO happy and now I don't have to worry about what is for dinner for a long time! Those gals know how to get er done, I tell ya!! I am already thinking about next time.

Now, as I was listening to the sermon this morning, a very profound thought came to me.... we are under attack.... I get sick, the house falls apart (meaning cleaning etc... this is a weakness of mine...I like control and order and if this gets out of balance then I get out of balance and satan loves for this to happen to me)... the baby gets sick and we trapse back and forth to the doctor. Not only does he get sick, but he does this coughing gagging thing that makes us jump out of bed just in case he doesn't breathe. Needless to say, sleep is not something we have had much of for a while.... short tempers flare and focus gets lost...satan grabs hold and begans to run with it. I am sitting there in church almost in tears realizing what has happened and how I somewhat let him in. He is not happy that we are doing exactly what God called us to do. He needs to shake things up and so he begins to get us in our weak spots. Friends, chaos, health...Some of our well intended friends question our sanity for adding this extra load to our lives and sometimes we almost believe they are right before we catch ourselves and explain that what we have done is exactly what we are called to do and no, it is NOT easy and yes, it takes major adjustments, and yes, we will be heartbroken when "A" is returned and yes, he will be returned. This is hard. Very hard and yet we know deep inside that this has eterity written all over it. Will "A" remember us? No, but God placed him with us and we have to trust HIM completely in all us. With our brokenhearts, with our hardships, with our adjustments, with the craziness that having CPS at your house 2 times a week or more. All of it! He has called us and we will follow as long as He continues to call us. Will it be more than we can handle? I pray it is at times! Why? Because in our weakness, He is strong and we will have to stay on our knees and on our face before Him seeking His loving arms through it all. I cannot think of a better place to be than in his arms. This week I got caught up in it and I tried and failed to do it "on my own" and now I must seek HIM completely! I'll go there now! Where HE wants me all along!