A Day in the Life (or a few days) of a Foster Mom

     It starts out as a normal day, Kids drag out of bed not wanting to wake up to go to school.  One refuses to wear her tennis shoes, another leaves his lunch at home and one whines about not getting any money to buy pencils.  Mom needs to head to the grocery store, the bank and pharmacy.  The laundry is backed up for the 4 kids at home and the floors have not seen a mop in a while.  After appointments are scheduled for 3 dentist appointments and one routine check up, a hair appointment for mom gets thrown in and a miracle occurs and she has an opening tomorrow.  What a joy. Those roots are now going to get attended to.

     It's now 11:00 AM and mopping has begun when the phone rings.  It's the foster agency wanting to know if foster mom is willing to take a 3 year old boy.  The story is neglect and drug exposure. He was found at home for 3 hours with no supervision. CPS had been called out last week when the neighbors said he was wandering down the street.  By the time they arrived he was back home.  They didn't make a case that time.  Now, today, there is a case.

     Sure, foster mom will accept.  She races out the door to complete the errands that were previously ignored.  First stop is Target for a carseat that is on sale, then on to WalMart for clothes, essentials for new foster placement #1 and the ignored groceries.  Mom picks up 7 outfits, diapers, socks, shoes in several 3 year old sizes, various expensive toddler snacks for a child that probably has been fed junk food his entire life.  She then heads to the grocery section for everything else when her cell phone rings and it's the school calling to say that she is needed at the school to pick up bio child #3 who is throwing up.  Foster mom hurries through the check out line and forgets the needed groceries.  She consoles herself that she at least has snacks for their new little man.  After picking up #3 son whom mom is sure is faking it, she races home to be there in time for foster placement #1.

      After 2 hours pulling out the toddler bed and setting it up with freshly washed sheets, teddy bear and toys she purchased at Walmart,  doing more laundry and cleaning in preparation, the clock ticks on and he doesn't arrive. It's now 3:00 and foster mom calls the agency to check on him as she prepares for kids to arrive on 2 different buses.  No word. Another hour passes and the agency calls back to say he's not coming.  So much for the day.  It went another direction and now dinner is not prepped and most of the chores aren't done.  She puts up the bed and gathers the toys to prepare to return them.   She spent close to $300 including the carseat that she got on sale.  The last toddler carseat disappeared with the caseworker when she came to return the child to her parents.  The caseworker forgot to bring one, but promised to bring mom's back and has yet to show up.  Foster mom is looking frantically for the receipt and now she can't find it to return it. $120 down the drain because Target won't take it without a receipt without charging you a fee.  It's not worth the drive and money lost.

     Foster mom picks up fast food, but is careful to use the dollar menu because that $300 she spent was putting the budget on a strain.  Tomorrow will need to include returning the items to keep them from overdrawing.  Homework is attended to, baths are done and kids are tucked in bed.  Not as simply as typed, but alas they are asleep. 2 hours of rocking, crying, getting extra hugs, water, the right blanket and then a different blanket, they are asleep, for now. Foster mom is worn out.  The adrenaline rush in preparing for a new placement has drained her.  She can't sleep now even though she's tired.  She does more laundry, works on a training she is helping with for her agency and finishes her bible study.  She updates addresses for the upcoming Christmas season list of cards, if photos ever get taken. At midnight she turns in to dad snoring.  At 2:00 am the phone rings.  She barely picks up before it hangs up and they call back again.  It's their foster agency asking if they will  accept placement of a newborn baby girl?  Um......Yes.  Thinking since it's a newborn this will be later in the day when released from the hospital, but no, actually the baby is being released right now for some strange reason.

      In. the. middle. of. the. night.

     Foster mom wakes foster dad and he agrees to the placement rolling over to catch some sleep before heading to work.  Foster mom gets up, goes to the shed to get the baby bed and sheets.  She puts together that crazy bed and starts the sheets washing and gets out the bassinet to use for the night.  2 hours later at 4:00 am the #2 foster placement newborn arrives in a tizzy.  She is screaming louder than any newborn, her face is red and she is stiff and angry.  The caseworker hands her off in nothing more than a full diaper and hospital blanket with an already made bottle and nothing more.  No diapers, no formula, nothing. Mom is floored as she sits in the rocker trying to soothe the screaming child.

     She. will. not. calm.

     She is obviously withdrawing.  Mom has no choice, but to go to Walmart IN the middle of the night WITH the child.  Her husband has a huge presentation in the morning and needs to sleep.  The kids will be up soon and this baby has no clothes, no formula and no diapers. Praise the Lord, foster mom has an infant carseat stashed away.  Off she goes with a near naked newborn baby wrapped in a blanket and a diaper.  Walmart is not impressed as foster mom arrives with the screaming infant.  She can be heard throughout the entire store.  Stares come from every corner of the store as foster mom makes her way through the isles.  The returns that were purchased for the 3 year old male were long forgotten. Sleepers, 2 piece outfits, socks, hats, blankets, pacifiers, bottles, baby shampoo, infant tylenol, rattles, swaddlers, formula, diapers, diaper rash ointment.  Snack foods for foster mom this time are purchased.  $280 later mom is out the door exhausted from juggling a screaming baby while trying to figure out what was needed.  Home again just as kids wake up excited as they realize that a new little one has arrived. The bank account will no doubt over draw, but she'll figure that out tomorrow.

    The morning does not go well.  Kids are too excited and the baby is still screaming.  Foster mom is stressed and tired and dad needs to get out the door along with everyone else.  Several hours later both foster mom and the baby fall asleep for 20 minutes before the phone rings and it's the agency again.  A 13 month old sibling was found and would she take placement?  Foster mom stares at the phone.  What is she supposed to do? How can she say, "yes" and how can she say, "no". The answer is,  "Yes".  Now foster mom is in a pickle.  No time, baby is awake and screaming again.  Hopefully the new carseat will work, but the clothes will not.  This is another girl.  Mom finds 3 outfits from a previous placement that are 18 month and summer, but maybe just maybe they will work to get by with.  Placement #3 arrives.  Crying.  And weighs about 15 lbs.  Those clothes are not remotely going to fit. Mom calls a friend and asks if she could run to the store for mom.  Desperate times call for desperate measures. The friend is in a hurry to get to bible study, but might be able to stop by afterwards if foster mom could run the money to her at the church.  Bible study mom's budget is tight this month and she doesn't have anything extra.  Oh wait, bible study mom has lunch afterwards with some of the ladies. Today is not a good day, but she'll check in on foster mom later. Foster mom checks with another friend who will swing by tonight to drop some things by. Neither swing by and neither call.  Foster mom feels the weight of rejection more than she can voice and more than she will ever show because as has been said before, "Well, YOU signed up for THIS." Both children cry all day as foster mom makes doctor appointments for both.  When was that hair appointment again?

     Foster mom checks her bank account and sees they are indeed overdrawn.  Foster parents get a stipend to cover basic expenses, but it takes 6 weeks to process.  The county doesn't have a clothing allowance currently so everything is just out of pocket for now.  Foster mom gathers both kids, the returns and heads to Walmart again to try to cover her expenses and keep her account from over-drafting any further.

     Fast forward. 2 days later, 2 doc appointments.  4 fast food meals costing more than the budget needs.  4 days later one of the friends call to check in.  She is off the phone in a short time with things to do.  Neither kids have slept consistently since arriving.  Bio #2 has a school program.  Foster mom can't go because foster dad has a night commitment and the kids would never be able to handle it.  Bio #2 cries. At the 2 week mark, the judge sends the kids back home.  No drug test was done to check on the baby who was obviously withdrawing from something. The bruises on the 13 month old are fading and no one asks what the doctor said about them.  Foster mom sends ALL of the clothes, ALL of the formula (she never did make it to WIC.  There was NO time).  The total expenses came to about $700 counting carseats, sitters when taking the foster children to the doc as well as fast food that wasn't factored in the budget.  The caseworker needs one of the carseats, OF COURSE.  We all know where this is going. It won't return and in fact in doesn't, yet again.  It will still be 4 more weeks before the stipend comes and it won't come close to the money already spent.  Foster mom is willing to sacrifice. She's tired and crazy in love with those girls, but will get a good night's sleep tonight unless the phone rings for another precious one and guess what foster mom will say?

"Yes".

    What could you do to help?  Donate clothes and other items to Legacy Closet here locally. Yes, most of our clothes are used.  For families struggling to just get to all of the appointments they are thrilled for used clothing to help buy them the time to go shopping when the schedule is a little less frantic.  Foster parents can call us to get all of the needed items to help the budget and time.  Many times we will deliver them if able.  Make a meal or 2 or 3 for a foster home who gets a new placement. It's never an easy adjustment.  Ever.  Offer to run errands for a foster mom.  Offer to get licensed to babysit.  Offer to come and rock a baby while foster mom sleeps or does laundry.

     Foster parents do this willingly.  Foster parents do it over and over again because we FEEL the need to hold the harmed. We fall in love with every single child and mourn the loss more than you will ever know. We do it because we are afraid that if we don't no one else will.  We do it because we can't stand to hear of a child staying in a shelter without a mom to rock or hold them.  We do it because someone needs to wipe the tears, hold the hands and help the confused, grieving ones.  We do it because sometimes Jesus whispers, "I need you to take the risk. I need you to step out of your comfortable life and love the least of these."