January 5, 2014
It's truly THAT time of year and here I am once again contemplating the beginning of a new year. I don't really make New Year's Resolutions so to speak, but look at areas in need of fine tuning, changing or completing letting go of. This year has already been a year of growth and discovery with the reading of several books that greatly changed me. I won't mention them yet again, because I have to keep explaining that it wasn't really the BOOK that made me make the changes, but the thinking the book made me do. One of them upset me in the beginning and I almost put it down. It was because the writer really contradicted herself and I was saddened by it in print. If I had put it down I would have missed her apology and the fact that she openly admitted her sin. I realized I had plenty of those on my own. This brought up 2 points: 1. Judging others and wanting to shut them out, 2. not admitting my own obvious contradictions. Ouch! This year I am moving a step further and not only recognizing them, but making HUGE strides to change them. Some of these are societal. "Everyone does them" kind of things. That doesn't make it right! Not for me. And I am the only one I can control. I cannot worry about anyone else!
Here is ONE area I am evaluating....I will make some GROSS generalizations so get ready.
1. People are angry....all the time!!!
We have road rage and people going off on others on social media and texting. What? Did these things make us so angry or were we already "going there" on an angry binge and these just set it all in motion on a greater level? This is all wrong! I admit, I have not given in to road rage. I have tried to teach my children that being angry at someone pulling out in front of you or going slow is the biggest waste of your energy ever. Did they just find out their child has cancer? Are they driving slow because they are taking 3 meals to sick friends and they don't want to spill them? Maybe they are crazy idiots and just did it to make you mad, but what difference does it make? Really? This just isn't about driving. This is about standing in line at the grocery store, eating at a restaurant with a poor waiter, waiting on hold on the phone (oops, that is a big one for me). When we get angry we spin mentally out of control. This emotion sticks with us and then infects others around us, because we offer no grace what so ever. I decided to do a test recently in Walmart while shopping. I decided to try to make eye contact with every person and smile big or say "hello". I was floored. Few people reciprocated. Most stared at me like I was weird, and most moved away. How sad that we can't greet each other with a friendly face and spread cheer. I'm not stopping. I did tell a young mom with really great red hair that obviously had just had it cut, that her hair looked amazing. She looked shocked and then smiled and told me that I had made her day. She got it cut several days ago and it was a dramatic change, but no one had noticed at work or at home. People are starving for a compliment, for good news, for something pleasant. We all want to complain, but seldom share good news. If you have ever filed a complaint, have you ever filed good news?
When I had my 3rd child it was beyond difficult. I had spent the entire pregnancy in and out of the hospital with severe nausea and kidney stones. I had stints put in to keep my kidney functioning and I was worn out and in a bad mood. By the time I delivered I was just tired of being in agonizing pain. The nurse who helped me after the delivery was so very kind. I told her I didn't want to move, but knew I had to. I told her I was tired and angry and frustrated. I told her I wasn't being very patient with anyone or myself, let alone her. She was gentle and kind and patient and once I was up, showered and dressed I felt great and like I was a new person. I thanked her for treating me this way. She told me that was what she was there for. I wrote a long letter stating how wonderful she was. For whatever reason she was able to contact me. She told me no one had ever written a note like that for her and that she was given a significant raise as a result. I was thrilled. How easy it would have been to not write the note. I had told her in person. Why did I need to write it? Why don't I write more? This year, there will be more.
Most of the families I deal with as a result of foster care are angry. I get it. I would be angry if my children were taken from me too, BUT they were angry long before that. It is a way of life for them. I have not found ONE that wasn't and I have had 9 children in my home. Only once did someone say, Thank you" to me. I am not asking for that or even expecting it, but you would think they would notice that I am not against them. I want to cheer them on. I want to share their child's progress with them. I am their biggest ally and they often shut me out, completely. They somehow blame me for their child being taken. This entire group of people are barely functioning in society and they are so angry at everything. I have to wonder how life would be different for them if they changed just that ONE thing. If they simply chose joy and acted on it. Thanked people and were respectful and nice even when the people they were dealing with were rude back or initially? What would happen? I think it would be life altering!
This is where I am contemplating. This is not for me, but for my children. It's cool to spout off about negative things and to "go off" on people and yet I think about the turn of the century books where everyone keeps their mouths closed most of the time and is polite to everyone. Why can't we do this? I am not talking about being a doormat, but spreading love, having something nice to say. What about that saying, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all". Does anyone quote this anymore or just, "OH NO you DIDN"T"? Now how do I teach this to my children besides modeling it? This will be the challenge. I believer in modeling, but also believe in topics being brought up often. Weekly devotionals or twice weekly or at breakfast or dinner. Hard topics.
I have used the book below from Critical Thinking to get my kids to....well, THINK. The questions are not as easy as you think. There are several different books for various ages, but all can apply. This keeps my goals front and center and helps to have open dialogue about our ANGRY generation. This helps them to think about it more often and possibly make a change. It also means they are watching me to do the same thing. Could be an interesting year.
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