Oh my! This is ALL over Facebook and it makes me cringe every time I see it. I mean really cringe. I decided that I must get off of Facebook and NOT comment. Commenting will only get me into trouble.
The word "deserve" is dangerous in and of itself. If this were true we would sacrifice and raise a brood of self serving, selfish brats. YES, I do agree we make sacrifices, but not to GIVE our kids THINGS or an easy life. My children must learn that life can be hard and if it's not hard for them IT IS hard for most people (of course most of those are not in this country).
We have people on welfare who get their FREE phones because they DESERVE IT. Real story alert: I was sitting in the CPS office with my "baby mama"...meaning the mother of my foster child. She was going on and on about her new phone. I was half way paying attention until she pulled it out. It was a brand new iPhone. Now, I must tell you, she lives in a shelter as long as she can before she gets kicked out for causing problems. The rest of the time she is on the streets or begging to sleep on someone's couch. She is never in one place for long. She had a job for 2 days, but didn't agree with the times she was asked to come to work and for how long. She told her boss she couldn't work for that long or come at those times. Now, back to the iPhone. She told me it was new and free. She proceeded to say how she deserved this phone for all she has been through.....meaning abusing her child, not working because the job was not on her terms, having to deal with all the stress of waiting in long lines for her government money. She then said I should get one too because I deserved it for taking care of kids. I quietly and calmly told her that our budget did not allow for phones like this (well since this time our budget has allowed for it). She looked at me like I was from another planet. This is what we have done in our country! Deserve? Really?
The word "deserve" is dangerous in and of itself. If this were true we would sacrifice and raise a brood of self serving, selfish brats. YES, I do agree we make sacrifices, but not to GIVE our kids THINGS or an easy life. My children must learn that life can be hard and if it's not hard for them IT IS hard for most people (of course most of those are not in this country).
We have people on welfare who get their FREE phones because they DESERVE IT. Real story alert: I was sitting in the CPS office with my "baby mama"...meaning the mother of my foster child. She was going on and on about her new phone. I was half way paying attention until she pulled it out. It was a brand new iPhone. Now, I must tell you, she lives in a shelter as long as she can before she gets kicked out for causing problems. The rest of the time she is on the streets or begging to sleep on someone's couch. She is never in one place for long. She had a job for 2 days, but didn't agree with the times she was asked to come to work and for how long. She told her boss she couldn't work for that long or come at those times. Now, back to the iPhone. She told me it was new and free. She proceeded to say how she deserved this phone for all she has been through.....meaning abusing her child, not working because the job was not on her terms, having to deal with all the stress of waiting in long lines for her government money. She then said I should get one too because I deserved it for taking care of kids. I quietly and calmly told her that our budget did not allow for phones like this (well since this time our budget has allowed for it). She looked at me like I was from another planet. This is what we have done in our country! Deserve? Really?
Here's the part where I get hate mail. I want my kids to struggle a bit.
* I want them to hear the answer no.
* I want them to work hard for something they want.
*I want them to learn that sometimes what you want is not what you need and those 2 can collide quickly and frequently.
*I want them to know hard work by hard labor.
The flip side to this is that they get to see a job well done, can feel real pride in their work and understand what hard work can be. I know, I am a cruel mom. I was the mom who didn't help on their Science Fair project when architect daddy and Scientist daddy did. There was a difference....but one was done by the CHILD, the others, NOT SO MUCH. My child's was honest work. He didn't make the highest grade, but he worked hard for it. I was the mom who let my son oversleep and be late to school and have to explain that he simply
didn't get up. I was the one who didn't make his lunch for school, but told him to do it. He ran out of time and went without. I am THAT mom. What did those things teach....hard work, honest work and that someone will NOT always be there to pick up the pieces of your mess ups. Time for that has passed.
Chores are plentiful and so is hard work. Even 2 year olds have chores. Sometimes we are better at these than others, but the expectation is there. Our yard is just shy of a an acre. The pool takes up a big area, the garden gets larger every year. We all work as a team....on many Saturdays when other kids are indulging in fun stuff like wandering the mall in search of more stuff, and eating at yogurt bars and driving all over town to visit this person or that. It's a right of passage, right? Wrong. Have you read DO Hard THings? www.therebelution.com/books/www.therebelution.com/books/www.therebelution.com/books/
* I want them to hear the answer no.
* I want them to work hard for something they want.
*I want them to learn that sometimes what you want is not what you need and those 2 can collide quickly and frequently.
*I want them to know hard work by hard labor.
The flip side to this is that they get to see a job well done, can feel real pride in their work and understand what hard work can be. I know, I am a cruel mom. I was the mom who didn't help on their Science Fair project when architect daddy and Scientist daddy did. There was a difference....but one was done by the CHILD, the others, NOT SO MUCH. My child's was honest work. He didn't make the highest grade, but he worked hard for it. I was the mom who let my son oversleep and be late to school and have to explain that he simply
didn't get up. I was the one who didn't make his lunch for school, but told him to do it. He ran out of time and went without. I am THAT mom. What did those things teach....hard work, honest work and that someone will NOT always be there to pick up the pieces of your mess ups. Time for that has passed.
Chores are plentiful and so is hard work. Even 2 year olds have chores. Sometimes we are better at these than others, but the expectation is there. Our yard is just shy of a an acre. The pool takes up a big area, the garden gets larger every year. We all work as a team....on many Saturdays when other kids are indulging in fun stuff like wandering the mall in search of more stuff, and eating at yogurt bars and driving all over town to visit this person or that. It's a right of passage, right? Wrong. Have you read DO Hard THings? www.therebelution.com/books/www.therebelution.com/books/www.therebelution.com/books/
It will get you to thinking. I want kids that are exceptional. Now before you think I mean famous kids who write articles that win the Nobel Peace Prize or doctors who discover the cure for cancer. That is not what I mean. I want them to be a hard worker, willing to risk it all for another person. Who cares for others even if they are not like them. Who lives a life of service and may not EVER be in the limelight. I want them to truly serve Christ on the front lines of life, when life is wonderful and when it is tough. I want them to understand that money can often be hard earned and that sharing and giving freely is a beautiful thing, far greater than buying a fancy car.
Now don't get me wrong, we all make sacrifices and should, for our children, BUT there is a limit to what we are sacrificing and what we are sacrificing for.
I know of many stories of wonderful families who have worked 2 jobs to send their kids to college or to various camps to work with their talents, etc. I am NOT against this. I just believe we must be very careful to not only sacrifice, but also teach them sacrifice and hard work along the way. We should not sacrifice because we want them to drive a sports car or so they can play around and live a life of leisure as a teen. We should not sacrifice so that they can go to fancy summer camps for entertainment. We should let them see where our money goes and that it goes for more than just indulgence, but more for other people in need or education and something that will "better" ourselves.
The part I DO agree with is that children should not pay a price for US indulging ourselves. That should not even be an option. It's just the last part that gets me. Deserve....my children deserve to know that they are blessed. They deserve to know that hard work is important and needed. They need to know that it doesn't matter what anyone else does. It does matter how much YOU do. Don't settle and don't "dumb" things down. Always give more than expected and leave a place better then you found it. Work hard and pray harder. Love and laugh and cry with everyone!
Now don't get me wrong, we all make sacrifices and should, for our children, BUT there is a limit to what we are sacrificing and what we are sacrificing for.
I know of many stories of wonderful families who have worked 2 jobs to send their kids to college or to various camps to work with their talents, etc. I am NOT against this. I just believe we must be very careful to not only sacrifice, but also teach them sacrifice and hard work along the way. We should not sacrifice because we want them to drive a sports car or so they can play around and live a life of leisure as a teen. We should not sacrifice so that they can go to fancy summer camps for entertainment. We should let them see where our money goes and that it goes for more than just indulgence, but more for other people in need or education and something that will "better" ourselves.
8 comments:
*ahem*
I agree.
*that's all*
Here here. I've recently started getting free phone and utility bill and rides to the doctor office notices in the mail for the family of my foster kids because my kids receive medicaid. It makes me wonder. I know this isn't the purpose of your post really but felt I needed to share I guess.
I will say that I completely agree with you on this. I want to help my kids learn and they won't do that if I protect them from all the consequences of their decisions.
AMEN!
I absolutely agree! I think it's so good for children to learn that life isn't easy, and they cannot expect to get everything they want just because they want it. A good work ethic helped me to become the person that I am and I am grateful for parents who helped me learn how valuable that can be.
I think that has a LOT to do with why this country is in the condition it is. Too many people were raised to believe that they were entitled to all that they needed or wanted, and a government willing to go into serious debt to give it to them.
I appreciate your post - it must have taken some courage to write it. I'm sure your kids will be well-rounded and hardworking because you are a mom who cares.
Hallelujah!!!!!!!!!!! Finally someone speaking some truth out there! We all deserve death but for the Grace of God!!!!!
Let's start the mean mom's club and we will make our kids make our snacks for us!!
I am SOOOOO GLAD someone else feels the same way I do. My kids think I'm so mean, because they didn't get cell phones at 11 yrs. old, and have to do chores (ON SATURDAY,"one of my only play days"), and they have to work for what they WANT that isn't a necessity. We foster as well, and have one 16 almost 17 yr. old that came from a life of "do what you want, when you want, whether it's right or wrong", and was given everything he asked for, no matter the cost. We have had him about a yr and a half, he's starting to see the value of "things", and money. Praying for your journey, please pray for ours. All we want to do is plant the seed for Jesus to do a bigger, MUCH BIGGER, work in their hearts and lives.
Thank you for your post. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way!!
Its so frustrating when i meet other parents who cuckold their children, or give in to their demands at the first sign of a tantrum. I have tried very hard to not raise my children to feel "entitled" to the "things" that all their friends have. I have been told that I am "too hard" on my kids, or that my "expectations are too high"...from those who obviously don't know me. I give praise when it's due, and when hard work has paid off. What I tell my children all the time is "you get to choose your actions, but you do not get to choose your consequences". And while I do expect my children to help with (age appropriate) chores, I do not expect perfection but their best effort. As for high expectations, well, if you expect mediocrity from them, then that is what they will become, having met your goal for them...if they aim high, they will achieve great things!
You sound like a great mom ;) Actions have consequences, and the sooner kids can learn that and deal with the responsibility, the better of they will be.
However.... I'm pretty sure that picture is not meant for moms like you (or me, or anyone else commenting here). They are more meant for the parents who ARE selfish. We can all think of examples. And, as Christians, you and I both know that our job is to serve our kids by _________ (you can fill in the blank).
Anyway, I can just see both sides. And that kind of thing doesn't make me mad, because I know it isn't directed at me. just my 2 cents.... :)
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