Break my heart for what breaks yours... 2

How do I explain how and why we do what we do? I am just not that eloquent and can't seem to write straight from my heart. It comes out all jumbled. I understand why Moses said..."Not me....I can't speak", I can't speak or write and yet my heart cries out to be heard. How? I am NOT super woman. Those who really know me, know that. I am just an ordinary mom who was called by God to take on a task way bigger than myself. He fill the gaps, he lifts me up, he often carries me through.

When the call became clear it was more of a whisper that I was being selfish. Now, that was offensive. I didn't think I was selfish...I mean for crying out loud, I home school! Haha! How could that be selfish? I give above and beyond to my friends when they need me, I give of my financial resources, which aren't great, I assure you, but I do give. I pray for those who ask. I am NOT selfish! But God called again. This time he told he appreciated my time and my money,but HE wanted more. More? Seriously, I am tired enough already...what more can I give? He was silent for a while....years, actually. Then he quietly asked for my heart. This was perplexing because I thought I had given him my heart when I accepted him. What does that mean? It means I want you willing to be in pain for me, He whispered back, To need me more than anything to heal your heart.

And thus began our journey in foster parenting. We had to take "I" out of the equation. "I" can't give them back....to which he replies, "your children are only on loan". Ask any mother who has lost a child and she will tell you she wouldn't trade a moment with that child even though the pain of the loss never goes away...if it was only for a moment, a few years or many years. These children are only on loan. My heart DOES ache, but God is so much bigger than me and my pain. We don't go places like we used to....not everyone is ready for our larger family. Our 20th anniversary is this year and we had big plans, but those are now a distant plan. There is no place for our babies to go and our plans are just not as big as our GOD who wants us right where we are....in a rocking chair and at the highchair or right in our own front yard. We are okay with that! We feel his warm arms, we feel his breath on our skin as he encourages us and often carries us. It is SO worth it. Things are more challenging for us....loading a car takes an act of congress and just about as long since we have to have approval to go anywhere.. But you know, he has "Broken my heart for what breaks His" and I am his. It's NOT for everyone and GOD DOES NOT call us to do the same things at all, BUT if HE does call you to do something difficult...don't walk away! His provision is way more than you can fathom. His arms are bigger and stronger than I ever imagined and I THOUGHT they were around me in the past! They were, but as the call increased so did my vision of GOD. My eyes are so opened in ways now that I never knew were possible. I wish I could truly put it all into words like it is in my heart, but here it is in my humble attempt. Help me to share like HE wants me to and to pray for those like they need me to! Help me to say kind and encouraging words to those who need them and not to preach to them what is right for me, but what they need to hear. Help us all to hear your voice and not the muttering of Satan or the world who will try to confuse and disorient us. The world has such a strong hold on us and that makes Satan's job easy. He just lets the world spin while he watches the show. Don't let us be confused! Let me love like you love!

BREAK MY HEART FOR WHAT BREAKS YOURS...