Wishes, dreams and teenagers...

What do I want for my children? Boy things change as the years change. I still want the same things, but reaching for them and cultivating and mothering has to adjust. C1 has really hit the teen years. I get that. I really do and I know it is a natural process, but it's hard to be tuned out slowly. He still is there, but only pieces of him. I want him to talk, really talk and listen, of course! I get blank looks often that tell me he is tuning me completely out because I "don't get it". Well, I DO get it and that is the hard part for me. I do "get" the age and the mindset and I don't really like that I "get it". I don't want him to go through pain. I don't want to dash his dreams in any way so I have to pretend I "don't get it" sometimes. The whole school thing is so hard. To home-school or not to home-school. He wants school now for social reasons and that is the very reason I don't want it for him. He is TOO social for his good often times. I am not against school. I came into the home-school thing by a direct call from God when he had his health problems. Now, it is a way of life that I don't want to trade and yet it is the hardest thing I've ever done. It is a semester by semester prayer decision.

Cell phones, FB, wanting to start his own business with only the finest equipment (he will have to use his own money for that). How many mowing jobs can he handle at his age??? He has had several for the last few years, but how many more could he handle? Not as many as he thinks he can, but this is one of those areas where I can't dash his dreams. I have to let him dream and plan and yes, sometimes fail. I hate that failure part. What do I want for him? I want him to love with reckless abandon, to be passionate about what he believes in, to be willing to conquer all. All of this with Christ first...then life. I want him to know joy! True joy. The kind that can't be bought or earned. It just is. I want him to know love. Love that is so pure it can be painful. I want him to not settle for mediocrity, but push forward for more for his Savior, not for any other reason. I want him to not be afraid to fight for what Christ has called him to do even if it is painful and goes against society. I want to watch all this and pray for him with every breath. 43 hours of "sunny side up" labor for that boy (that means not much time in between contractions and hard pain in the back) with no drugs to help... I want heaven for him. Not the world. It won't offer much. I have to let him go and let him grow and learn and fail and decide things on his own. That's hard. It was easier holding his hand when he walked or buckling the carseat myself. Those days are gone. I am proud of who he is becoming, but I have to let him become that on his own. I still guide and teach and pray, but he is a child of God and I have not been promised one more minute than the one I hold right now. Hold him tight. He is my first born son.