How do you do this?

"I just can’t do what you do. I would get too attached and couldn’t give them back. How do you do it? " How many times have I heard this? I honestly want to scream, “I DON'T DO IT…GOD DOES!” He does it all! I don’t have it in me. It’s just way too much. Way too many diapers, way too many children needing to adjust, way to much time to load a car to go….well, anywhere. Way too much organization and re-organization. Did I mention diapers? Too attached? How do you hold a soft, fat perfect little newborn in your arms for months and then let CPS stroll in and take him from you after you’ve held him while he cries, changed his diaper, bathed him, loved him with everything you have, watched him smile for the first time or roll over. How? I'll tell you how people. You fall on your knees more than you ever imagined possible and you cry out to God. You cry out so many things. You get real honest with God and you rely on him more than you ever have and finally you really "get it". You really get what it means to serve him. The bible NEVER says that God will NOT give you more than you can handle...we have misread it....it says he will NOT tempt you more than you can bear....that is NOT the same thing. He WILL give you more than you can handle so you will flal on your face before HIM and GIVE IT UP!! Hot bubble baths are also great for shedding big tears that you don’t want to show, though (had to step off my soapbox, or I would lose you. LOL). God carries the weight. He really does and he gently whispers that there will be pain….every time, but he will carry you and he will just make your heart bigger to be able to let more little ones in (or big ones). If we don’t care for these little ones, who will? Who will care for the invisible orphans? Who will be inconvenienced and who will be willing? Who will nurture and love and rock and take care of them? Who will be there during crucial brain development time or the rocky teenage years when there is no one else. Who is willing? God is. God knows the pain and he calls the weary, the unequipped, the lowly. He calls those who don’t have time, energy or the heart for the journey. He whispers and whispers and whispers until you can’t think straight any longer. He sends writing in the sky until you finally have to answer him and say,” OKAY”. You have to move, you have to go, you have to give up. You have to let him shape you and prepare you and you have to step off the cliff of faith and let him carry you. At that very moment there is a feeling I will never be able to describe. Never. It’s almost like what I would expect it would feel like to fly like a bird. You know you can’t do it, but you are. You can almost feel his arms holding you up. It is incredible to be carried like that by a gracious FATHER. You are still tired and weary, and ordinary, but he equips you in ways you can’t begin to imagine. There, the journey begins. A journey that transforms your life and the life of your family forever. One you can’t turn away from no matter what the obstacle. 5 kids? 2 of which are babies? 2 home-schooled? 1 in school? 2 babies, really? Both in diapers and one with special needs rewuiring therapy all the time? Oh, did I mention 3 dogs and one with puppies (that was last year)? Diapers, I must have forgotten to mention the diapers. How can it happen? Simple! God. He helps pack the diaper bag a million more times, and wash more laundry because one of them spits up constantly and changes not only clothes 3 times a day, but bibs and burp rags and carseat covers, and blankets and then there are the rugs to clean not to mention your clothes. He is there when you pack that bag for him to return home. He holds your head up when you are tired. He knows every tear. He shows you the sweet smile of a precious baby when you lean over his crib. He brings baby laughter into the room to bring light to your weary world. I cannot turn back and yet I am not equipped, I am ordinary until God touched me and then he began a work that I must continue. He asked me to do it. He knew I was ordinary and I am still ordinary, just called by God. I will not walk away. He didn’t walk away from me. …take care of widows and orphans in their distress… I have heard you, Lord. Life has changed. It is not easy! It is not full of freedoms, it is not full of fun lunches with friends, or even a 20^th wedding anniversary trip this year, but it is full of joy that I cannot begin to describe. I wouldn’t trade this calling for anything. If not you....then who?